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I've decided that I'm quite thoroughly done with work, at least as it's currently structured.
The early rising, the commuting the forced socializing, the near constant worries about job longevity...it has all become a bit too much.
Not being wealthy â€“ or the relative of a wealthy person â€“ this weariness puts me in a rough spot: I must work to live but working makes living far less enjoyable.
It's at times like these that having the tool making, problem solving brain of a talking monkey (instead of, say, a Praying Mantis mind, with its singular concerns) proves to be an advantage.
The type of mind evolution equipped us with is an important consideration; both because of its problem solving capacity and its emotional needs which form the basis of my get rich (eventually) scheme.
Some, such as American â€œself-helpâ€ maestro Wayne Dyer have traveled the royal road from flat broke to Ferrari dealership visitor by telling people able to write hefty checks, relentlessly, that nearly all their problems exist solely within their heads. Change your thoughts and the rest will follow.
As cause and effect theories go, this one's fairly limited and falls rather short of the dependent origination ideas Siddartha chatted about quite some time ago (for example, I imagine it would be easy to find an Iraqi or two who might blame American ordinance for their woes and not a lack of happy thoughts).
Still, when it comes to feeding the mind (and making a handsome profit) adherence to reality is a secondary consideration at best. This is the secret of George, â€œThe Power of Nightmaresâ€ Bush's political success in the United States.
As attractive as the self-help guru route is, it's not for me. Standing on a stage for hours with a wireless headset mic roughly mixing Buddhism, Hinduism, Judaism and Christianity (Islam is always left out of the party) in a tongue blender and producing a philosophical pastiche would annoy.
Also, it's not nearly ambitious enough.
No, the real money is in religion. The most obvious choice is evangelical Xtian huckster â€“ dire warnings of eternal damnation unless my audience repents and constant requests for â€œfinancial gifts to help this ministry move forward.â€
Yes, that's the most obvious choice but not the one I'm fond of.
What I want to do is start an entirely new religion, one based upon an idea so absurd and outrageous it's bound to attract followers simply through sheer audacity.
My new religion is Klaatuianism.
According to Klaatuianists (a group whose membership consists, at the moment, of just me â€“ but our membership and marketing people â€“ by which I also mean me - are hopeful for explosive growth) the 1951 movie â€œThe Day the Earth Stood Stillâ€ is not merely an important early sci fi film based upon Harry Bates' story â€œFarewell to the Masterâ€ but a fictionalized version of actual events (what Americans used to call a docu-drama) that have been covered up by the CIA, NSA, MI6, train spotters and various other shadowy groups.
The Klaatuian inner council â€“ again, just me...for now â€“ understand the film's hidden meanings and critical importance to life's profound mysteries.
These mysteries will be revealed â€“ for a fee, of course â€“ to seekers looking to unlock the â€œKlaatu Withinâ€ (catchy slogan).
Already I'm picturing myself behind the wheel of a new Ferrari.